A selfish help is NOT an act of kindness

Helping others is a noble act, but what if the help is done with selfishness in mind? It's important to understand that this type of help is not an act of kindness. Counselors and mental health coaches agree that true acts of kindness are done with selflessness and without expecting anything in return.

Selfish acts of help can come in many forms. Perhaps someone offers to lend a helping hand to a friend but does so with the intention of gaining something in return, like a favor or acknowledgement. In these situations, the person is not helping because they genuinely want to help, but rather because they see it as an opportunity to benefit themselves.

Another example of selfish help is when someone helps others solely for the purpose of feeling good about themselves. While it's true that helping others can lead to positive emotions like happiness and contentment, if the sole reason for helping is to feel good about oneself, it's not an act of kindness.

It's safe to say that genuine acts of kindness can also bring positive emotions and a sense of satisfaction, but the motivation behind the act is different. Counselors and mental health coaches emphasize the importance of examining the motivation behind acts of kindness, as it can reveal a lot about a person's character and intentions.

Research has shown that acts of kindness have numerous benefits for both the giver and the receiver. A study published in the Journal of Social Psychology found that performing acts of kindness can lead to increased happiness and a sense of purpose. Additionally, research has shown that acts of kindness can decrease stress levels and improve overall well-being.

However, the benefits of kindness only apply when the acts are done with genuine intentions. A study published in the journal Emotion found that people who performed acts of kindness purely for personal gain experienced a decrease in positive emotions, compared to those who performed acts of kindness with selflessness in mind.

So, what can we do to ensure that our acts of help are genuine and selfless? First, it's important to examine our intentions and motivations behind the act. Are we helping because we genuinely want to, or because we want something in return? Second, we can practice mindfulness and compassion towards ourselves and others. By focusing on empathy and compassion, we can cultivate a mindset of selflessness and genuine kindness.

Here is an example of a genuine act of kindness and an example of a selfish act of help:

A real-life example of a genuine act of kindness can be seen in the actions of a group of volunteers who spent their weekends helping elderly individuals in their community with household chores and errands. These volunteers genuinely wanted to help others and did so without expecting anything in return. Their actions provided much-needed assistance to those in need and helped to foster a sense of community and goodwill.

On the other hand, an example of a selfish act of help could be a situation where a coworker offers to cover someone's shift at work but does so with the intention of receiving something in return, like a promotion or recognition from their boss. In this situation, the coworker is not helping out of genuine kindness, but rather for personal gain. This type of behavior can create tension and resentment in the workplace, ultimately damaging relationships and decreasing morale.

Sources:

1. Grant, A. M. (2008). Does Intrinsic Motivation Fuel the Prosocial Fire? Motivational Synergy in Predicting Persistence, Performance, and Productivity. Journal of Applied Psychology, 93(1), 48–58. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-9010.93.1.48

2. Lyubomirsky, S., Tkach, C., & Sheldon, K. M. (2004). Pursuing sustained happiness through random acts of kindness and counting one’s blessings: Tests of two six-week interventions. Unpublished manuscript, University of California, Riverside.

3. Pavey, L., Greitemeyer, T., & Sparks, P. (2011). Highlighting relatedness promotes prosocial motives and behavior. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 37(7), 905-917. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167211400429

4. Nelson, S. K., Layous, K., Cole, S. W., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2016). Do unto others or treat yourself? The effects of prosocial and self-focused behavior on psychological flourishing. Emotion, 16(6), 850-861. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000178