They want me to get married... I don't!

As a life coach, I have met many clients who struggle to break free from cultural norms and oppressive expectations, especially when it comes to marriage. One such young woman recently approached me seeking guidance on how to navigate the pressure from her parents to get married. She is not ready to settle down yet, but her parents are adamant that she should get married soon. In this blog post, I will share some insights on how to deal with such situations.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that cultural norms and expectations can be difficult to challenge. Our families and communities often have certain ideas about what is considered "normal" and "acceptable," and these beliefs can be deeply ingrained. However, it's safe to say that you are not alone in feeling this way. Many people struggle with similar issues, and it's okay to question the status quo.

The first step towards breaking free from oppressive expectations is to gain clarity on your own values and beliefs. Take some time to reflect on what is truly important to you, what your goals are, and what kind of life you want to create for yourself. It's important to remember that your values and beliefs may differ from those of your family or community, and that's okay.

Once you have a clear understanding of your own values and beliefs, it's important to communicate them effectively to your parents.

This can be a difficult conversation, but it's important to be honest and direct. Let them know that you appreciate their concern and input, but that you need to make your own decisions based on what is best for you. It's important to be respectful and empathetic, but also firm in your stance. (of course I'm referring to mutual respect here, I always do. Just to be clear, I will not ask you to respect people who do not want to respect you)

It's also important to find support outside of your family and community. This can be in the form of friends, mentors, or a life coach like myself. Having someone to talk to who understands your perspective and can offer guidance and support can be invaluable.

Don't forget that breaking free from oppressive expectations takes time and effort. It's a process, and there will likely be setbacks and challenges along the way. But with patience, persistence, and the right support, it is possible to create a life that aligns with your values and beliefs.

As a life coach, I believe that learning how to be assertive and set healthy boundaries is a crucial aspect of personal growth and development. There are a variety of different trainings and techniques that a counselor or coach could offer to help their clients in this area.

One common approach is role-playing. This involves practicing assertive communication in a safe and supportive environment. The counselor or coach might take on the role of the client's parent or other authority figure, while the client practices communicating their boundaries and needs in a clear and assertive way.

Another effective training is teaching clients to use "I" statements when communicating their needs and boundaries. This involves phrasing statements in a way that emphasizes the client's own feelings and needs, rather than blaming or accusing others. For example, saying "I feel overwhelmed when you ask me to do too much at once" rather than "You're always asking too much of me."

Also, counselors and coaches might work with clients to identify their personal values and boundaries, and to develop strategies for communicating them effectively in various situations. This might involve creating a "personal mission statement" that outlines the client's values and goals, or practicing mindfulness techniques to help them stay centered and grounded when communicating their needs.

Want to know more? Don't hesitate to contact us.